I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
