WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
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