I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
