Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i just google imaged poop.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Randomize
