You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
He felt like a one man threesome
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
