I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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