best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
