and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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