when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
