You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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