Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize