You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
