You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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