Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
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