so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
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