we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
