Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
