Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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