I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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