That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
