then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
