I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Is it because I queefed?
I intend to get homeless drunk
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
