No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
