Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Enjoy the penises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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