the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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