so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
