Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
