just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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