period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
