Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
