Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
