You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
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