you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize