so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
