So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
