i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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