I feel great
I just peed on a car
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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