Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
