he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
