These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
