YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
