Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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