we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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