Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
