i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize