I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
