If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
