i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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