Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
