Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
