I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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