just come out here and I will go home with you...
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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