well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
