do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
