Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
handjob tips. give me some.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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