Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
