I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
