She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
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