Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
