Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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