You really coming over, don't trick.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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