can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
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Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
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Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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